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Tuesday, November 8, 2011


Most behaviors that humans exhibit on a day-to-day basis are taboo in a Church environment, farting especially. 

It’s not like kids won’t laugh at anything in Church that isn’t supposed to occur, but tossing a boom while sitting on a wood bench seems to make most people hysterical, especially our little ones. 

Face it, farting is just plain funny.  I contend that people who don’t laugh at anal sneezes are just too uptight.  Rodney Dangerfield once pointed out that these are the types of folks who say “Oh, excuse me” when they fart – even if they’re alone. 

Me, I’ve never really been able to stifle my laughter very well when someone blows a one-cheek sneak, so if someone does it in a Church service, fuggetaboutit!  In the 1800s, it was considered an act of good manners for a gentleman to accept the blame when a lady issues forth with a good butt blast to save her the social embarrassment.  Oh, man, not me!  I’d point and laugh at her just like most other folks would.  What can I say – I have no class.

Lest we forget Joseph Pujols, aka LePetomaine, the French stage performer who was the toast of Europe in the days before World War I.  He farted on cue, loudly and with a certain amount of novelty.  LePetomaine could even suck up water into his rectal cavity and then shoot it out onto the footlight stage candles, dousing the flames.  It was, if you’ll pardon the expression, a real barnburner. 

The closest thing we now have to LePetomaine (other than this being the character name of the Governor that Mel Brooks played in BLAZING SADDLES) these days is Mr. Methane (  Check him out.

So….farting in church.  If you’re going to do it, avoid it during congregational prayer.  Probably ok during hymns because the music may cover the sound of your escaping gas.  If people notice a smell to it, look around, puzzled, as if you don’t know where it came from. 

Pass me that Hymnal and, oh yeah, pull my finger. 

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